A Senior Moment: You know where to put that rubbish idea, the bin!

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What a wacky week. I see the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea Council is removing litter bins from the streets because they – wait for it, “attract rubbish.”

Funny, I thought that was the whole idea! But I bet it has set many a council thinking: “What a good wheeze - another saving and another chore out of the way.” How daft can you get?

Never mind the waste bins, this seems more like a has-bin from the dark ages. It’s as bonkers as the benefits cheat being let off stealing more than £3,000 in income support and given 80 hours community work – worth about £40 an hour by my reckoning, because she had previously been claiming too little in benefits. It all sounds a bit crazy to me!

And as if they haven’t enough problems already, it appears there are political plots afoot to remove the Prime Minister and the Chancellor – no doubt encouraged by that well-known comedy duo ‘Two Eds are better than one.’ Mark you, I increasingly get the impression many of their problems are self inflicted!

Next I gather whale vomit is all the rage these days. It’s reputedly selling for thousands of pounds and might well be washed up on a beach near you.

No doubt philanthropic Becks will be out there with bucket and spade stocking up the ambergris for his latest French collection to make up the salary shortfall and Posh will be making room on the mantelpiece for the anticipated Legion d’Honneur award! Sorry, but this cynical old geezer suspects it’s all a bit of a PR stunt. After all, what’s three and a half million quid between footballers?

Meanwhile back in the real world, I’m pleased to see Rutland MP Alan Duncan is continuing to fight for postal recognition of the area (Mercury last week). I personally find it really annoying to be told on the phone “I have no record of Rutland,” going on to insist that my postcode means I must live in Leicestershire. Now I have nothing against that fair county, it’s just that I prefer being Multum in Parvo. So I will certainly be forwarding any future examples as requested. Keep up the good work.

And at risk of upsetting at least one Mercury reader again, I have the same message for the villagers of Meriden in the West Midlands who have been fighting a land grab attempt from travellers by mounting a three year round-the-clock vigil to prevent unauthorised development of the site. Good luck to them and shame on the pussy-footing authorities who allow this kind of situation to continue.

Finally I have a suggestion for the ladies to add to community sergeant Rachel Blackwell’s helpful tips on keeping the pickpocket purse thieves at bay. (Mercury, January 25) Put a mouse trap in your handbag that’ll teach ‘em. On second thoughts perhaps not - you’d probably get arrested for assault!