Last week I had a mega senior moment. So what’s new, you might ask?
But this was no everyday “happens all the time, where am I, what day is it, what am I doing here”, moment. This was a real “oh lor’, end of the world is nigh, call out the fire-brigade” job!
There I was minding my own business with the missus, buying our usual pre-weekly shopping ordeal coffee ‘n’ chatting away merrily to the cashier not really paying attention and I entered the wrong pin into one of those infernal chip and run machines.
Happens all the time you might be saying. True. Once is an easy mistake. Twice – well it can happen. But three times? Whoops – not a good idea!
So there I was, egg on face with a completely useless piece of lobotomised plastic and a growing queue of customers behind me, completely and utterly mystified as to what had gone wrong.
Fortunately we are well-known at this particular eatery and the staff ignored the machine’s demands to arrest me on the spot, seize the card, chop it into little pieces and throw it - and me - into the nearest recycle bin.
Well, a slight exaggeration perhaps, but something like that. The worry wobbling thing is, it took several days to realise what had happened. Then, eureka! Daylight dawned, all was revealed.
Big mistake – I had entered in my birthday! What, why, or how, I will never understand. Maybe it’s because the big ‘0’ birthday is looming perilously close and the date has moved to the front of the filing cabinet. Who knows? But it will certainly teach me to not to multi-task mess with technology!
And speaking of messing with things, what will the suits think of banning next? The latest dollop of daffy doings comes from County Durham where northern nous has been chucked out of the window in favour of banishing use of the number 13 - replacing it with 12A on new house builds, because of its “unlucky connotations”!
Stone the crows – as they say in the best of circles, are banks demanding a risk assessment guarantee before offering a mortgage these days? Or maybe superstitious posties are refusing to enter potentially unlucky premises on health and safety grounds. More than likely!
It’s almost as daft as the Worcestershire Acute Hospital Trust spending £10,000 on a workshop telling staff to smile more. Can you just imagine being told you have a serious medical condition by someone who is grinning like a Cheshire cat?
And not to be outdone in the Great British barmy bonanza, down in the wilds of deepest Sussex, the local authority, facing £79m budget cuts, has nevertheless spent £100,000 on videos of dotty demonstrations such as how to wash your hands and how to make a telephone call!
You really couldn’t make it up could you?