I DO hope you are not reading this while sitting under a tree. If so you are in grave danger - according to Crawley Borough Council that is. They apparently turned down an application from a residents’ association, to install a circular bench around a tree in a local park to mark the Queen’s diamond Jubilee - because it would create a health and safety hazard from falling branches. Along with the dive bombing squirrels no doubt! Come on you jubilee jobsworths, “leaf” it out for goodness sake.
It really is surprising we oldies have achieved longevity in spite of all the dangers we have apparently been facing for so many years. Thank goodness we can relax safe and secure in the knowledge we are now so reassuringly protected by the local nanny brigade.
But never mind all that rubbish, what we really need protection from is the judge who considers burglars to be “courageous”. Whatever next can we expect in barmy Britain? Barmy beaks apparently! What an outrageous thing to say. He should be stripped of his woolly hat immediately.
And while we’re about it, we could do with a bit of safeguarding from the politicians these days. As it is they’re all far too busy scoring points, bickering and plotting amongst themselves to get to grips with the recession – with the opposition suffering from convenient amnesia and the coalition blaming it all on those lazy Eurozombies! But none of them are too busy to tot up £89m expenses last year apparently. Funny that, after all the scandal and subsequent promises made three years ago they’re still at it. Surprise, surprise.
In fact when you think about it, we need protection from this whole crazy world we live in. From the concept of huge bonuses simply for doing an already handsomely paid job - with vast rewards in return for failure; from the practise of knighthoods and seats in the Lords handed out to sacked politicians and honours to civil servants as an inalienable right of service; from the pathetic smacks on the wrist for dishonest and discredited bankers to global blind eyes for energy companies as they whack up prices on the slightest pretext, conveniently forgetting to pass on any decreases and last but by no means least, from American style television as witnessed on Channel 4 who at times it seemed were deluging us with more ads than athletics!
Oh well, at least common sense prevailed in the case of the couple arrested for discharging a shotgun at four intruders who broke into their isolated home near Melton Mowbray. As they were eventually released without charge - I suppose that’s something to be grateful for.
But it wouldn’t surprise me if lawyers are already being briefed and the crims busily planning to sue for breach of their human rights.
Crazy world? Nah surely not. Must be me getting old and crotchety!